Rarest Words

Please define love, is it the only gift from above? Does it lie in a parent’s emotion to child, or is it an act that drive adults behind closed doors go wild. Is it a quest of great faith that we can’t fail, like that of Author and the holy-grail. Is love the act of lust or a certain emotion, For I only know now the truest of notion. I define love as what I can feel for you, A powerful act that remains true. It is not in the touch of your skin, or our nightly blend of sin. No it is so much more that I have to need, it is the knowledge that you will be host and teacher to my seed. From your guidance to your choice in life, you are the one I want as lover and wife. The act of love is felt in every day with you, the feeling of salvation I can only find is true. Others may tell of love and how it is felt in their mind, but I know not what they know nor care for I am blind. I don’t care for other’s people word of distress and hate, For I have found true happiness when you came into my fate. I need not look any further then your eyes to find what I need, for it is in you I will live for, die, and bleed. let me define love and all that is true, for it lies in your touch, your eyes, your words, my God it’s you.

http://www.originalpoetry.com/define-love

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If you’d like to add a slice of your heritage to your wedding ceremony, you’re not alone. Millions of couples are embracing their ancestry and choosing to incorporate some of the best traditions from around the world in their ceremonies here at home. Here are some of the most interesting wedding traditions you might find if you attended a wedding in France, Italy or Spain. If you or your family are from one of these countries, why not try adding some phrases from your ancestor’s native tongue in your wedding vows for a truly memorable touch!

France

On the day of the wedding, it is customary for the French groom to meet the bride at her home and accompany her to the church. He then is walked down the aisle by his mother during the ceremony. After the ceremony, the couple walks on laurel leaves that have been strewn on the ground by well wishers. Fragrant flowers are also carried by the
bride in the belief that the scent will repel evil spirits.

Traditionally, guests to the wedding will bring small cakes and pile them on a table as they enter the church. The bride and groom kiss over the cakes to symbolize a fruitful life. On the wedding night, these same guests will stand outside banging on pots and pans until the groom invites them in for drinks.

Italy

The bride in an Italian wedding wears a veil over her face in order to hide it from evil spirits until the ceremony is over. It’s considered good luck for the groom to tear it at the conclusion of the ceremony. Evil spirits are also warded off by the groom carrying a piece of iron in his pocket.

At the beginning of the wedding reception, the best man serves sweet liquor or strong drinks to the wedding guests, who then toast the wedding couple with the words “cent’anni,” which means “for a hundred years.” There may be as many as 14 different entrees at an Italian wedding dinner, each with its own wine selection.

To help defray the costs of the lavish ceremony and to assist in the couple’s new lives together, the bride often carries a satin bag. Guests place envelopes of money in the bag, and male guests may buy dances with the bride by contributing to this fund.

Spain

Before the wedding ceremony in Spain, the groom will present the bride with 13 coins in a little bag, which she then carries to the ceremony. These coins represent his commitment to her. At the ceremony, she will wear orange blossoms in her hair to signify virginity and purity. The church is also often decorated with orange blossoms.

In stark contrast to most wedding traditions, in Spain it is customary for the bride to wear a black silk dress at her wedding. Her veil is also black, and intricately embroidered. The groom wears an embroidered shirt made for him by his bride-to-be.

At the reception after the ceremony, guests traditionally present the newlyweds a gift for their household. There is also a traditional dance, called the “sequidillas manchegas,” which the guests enjoy.

Chris Simeral is the creator of The Ultimate Wedding Vow Toolkit, the wedding-coordinator-approved home-study course for couples personalizing or renewing their wedding vows. Sign up for the free wedding vow mini-course at http://www.weddingvowtoolkit.com.

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We all have many faults. All of us are also striving to live by our values. Values such as honesty, loving, compassion, mercy, and others that have been taught to us since our childhood and that we respect drive many of our actions. Unfortunately with the degradation in social values, personal values are also falling. That apart, the discussion is about the values that you respect and the values that your partner respects-are they common?

This question and the answer to this question may well decide the future of your relationship. Let me give you an example. Suppose you believe that small lying or cheating to further your cause is not bad and is acceptable to you. Your partner strongly believes that nothing wrong should be ever done. Will this conflict in values not produce a conflict in relationship, because we live by our values? Those who believe in talking liberty with values may not get that hurt, but those who believe in living by their values at every step can not dream of braking their values for anyone. This produces a value conflict.

Before entering into any relationship don’t get blinded by romantic love. Compare your values with those of your prospective partner. If you find a conflict in major values, don’t proceed with the relationship. If the major values are matching and conflict is about small parts, you can discuss that with your partner. Values are valuable. They give direction to our life and mould it. respect them before you go into a relationship. Otherwise, you will face big problems ahead. Those who share common values live a wonderful life together.

The author C.D.Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas at http://www.yourromanceguide.com/ on topics like love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for screen-savers and desktop wallpapers at http://www.screene.com/ on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, animals, etc. The third site, the author writes for, is http://www.ecarduniverse.com/ - it has free ecards on holidays, birthday, love, friendship, family, expressions, celebrations and all events and occasions.

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Any marriage counselor will tell you that one of the most common problems observed when couples come for help is poor communication skills. People get into trouble in their marriages because they have not developed their ability to listen and communicate.

Barriers to Communication

These are a few of the things that prevent people from communicating effectively:

• Not knowing how to communicate properly

• Not taking the time to think through what you want to say

• Not taking the time to anticipate what your partner might be thinking and feeling

• Fear of revealing too much of yourself

• Fear of your partner’s anger

• Not wanting to hurt your partner’s feelings
Empathy and Acceptance

People marry because they want to spend the rest of their lives with their partner. They have every hope of growing together and creating a relationship that makes them feel emotionally healthy. Two factors that are necessary for this to happen are empathy and acceptance on the part of both partners.

Empathy is the capacity to put oneself in another’s shoes and understand how they view their reality, how they feel about things.

Demonstrating empathy and acceptance is critical to maintaining a strong relationship. Let’s look next at some communication skills that enable you to create a climate of empathy, acceptance, and understanding. First we will explore a skill called Active Listening.

Active Listening

Active listening is a way of communicating that creates the important climate of empathy, acceptance, and understanding.

• It is a two-step response to a statement made by your partner.

• It includes reflecting back what emotion you detected in the statement, and the reason for the emotion.
This is what active listening sounds like:
“Sounds like you’re upset about what happened at work.”

“You’re very annoyed by my lateness, aren’t you?”

Why Active Listening Is a Valuable Skill

Active listening is a valuable skill because it demonstrates that you understand what your partner is saying and how he or she is feeling about it.

• Active listening means restating, in your own words, what the other person has said.

• It’s a check on whether your understanding is correct.

• It demonstrates that you are listening and that you are interested and concerned.

Actively listening does not mean agreeing with the other person. The point is to demonstrate to your partner that you intend to hear and understand his or her point of view. This is good for your relationship for several reasons:

• When someone demonstrates that they want to understand what you are thinking and feeling, it feels good.

• It creates good feelings about the other person.

• Restating and checking understanding promotes better communication and fewer misunderstandings.

More Active Listening Examples

Here are some more examples of active listening:

“You sound really stumped about how to solve this problem.”

“It makes you angry when you find errors on Joey’s homework.”

“Sounds like you’re really worried about Wendy.”

“I get the feeling you’re awfully busy right now.”

More Communication Skills

Although our space is limited in this short newsletter, there are a few more communication skills that I must mention. These include asking open-ended questions, making summary statements to check understanding, and encouraging your partner to open up and elaborate by using neutral questions and phrases.

Open-ended questions begin with what, why, how do, or tell me.

• These questions get the other person to open up and elaborate on the topic.

• Asking these kinds of questions gets the other person involved by giving him or her a chance to tell what he or she thinks or knows.

• These questions are designed to encourage your partner to talk.

• They are useful when the other person is silent or reluctant to elaborate.

• They are also useful in dealing with negative emotions (such as anger or fear), since they help encourage the other person to vent feelings.

Summary Statements

Summary statements sum up what you hear your partner saying.

• A summary statement enhances your partner’s self-esteem by showing that you were listening carefully.

• It also helps you focus on facts, not emotions.

• It helps your partner clarify his or her own thinking by hearing your summary.

• Summary statements also help you deal with multiple disagreements so you can deal with them one by one.

• They help eliminate confusion by focusing on the relevant facts.

• Summary statements also help you separate the important issues from the trivial.

Neutral Questions and Phrases

Neutral questions and phrases get your partner to open up and elaborate on the topic you are discussing.

• These questions are more focused than open-ended questions.

• They help your partner understand what you are interested in hearing more about.

• They further communication because they help you gain more information.

• When you ask these kinds of questions, you demonstrate to your partner that you are interested and that you are listening.

Business Skills for Marriages

You might be surprised to hear that the same skills that help people succeed in business can also be used to build a better marriage. Like any business, a marriage is a partnership of people. Many of the skills that make businesses run successfullyplanning, organizing, and setting goalsalso can be applied to running your marriage successfully. These are some of the skills that will strengthen any marriage:

1. Create an overall vision of what you want your life to be like; consider all life areas.

2. Develop a long-range strategy.

3. Set short-term and long-term goals.

4. Plan the steps that will help you accomplish your goals.

5. Organize projects.

6. Manage projects.

7. Manage people.

8. Evaluate progress and results at regular intervals.

9. Revise goals as needed.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

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Follow these simple guidelines and your fiancé will cherish your wedding day gift FOREVER!

1) Remember how much your wedding day means to you: Your wedding day is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, day of your life. Therefore, the gift that you give your fiancé should mirror that if not exceed it. Knick knack gifts are nice, don’t get me wrong, but how much can they truly mean to your fiancé five years from now? Give him something he will cherish forever and that will always remind the both of you of that special day many years ago when you took his name and became his wife! Now that is a gift with meaning!

2) Acknowledge the receiving of his last name: A man giving his last name to his new wife and a woman receiving the last name of her new husband is a very big deal and should be recognized as just that! As a woman, giving your fiancé a gift that tells him that you not only acknowledge him giving you his last name but that you are also grateful is the ultimate gift for a man to receive on his wedding day! Your fiancés name is a name that goes back many, many generations and has a great deal of history to it. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you are about to become a part of that heritage and history and it is important that you honor and respect that.

3) Give a gift that is creative and unique to both of you: A gift that is creative and unique to both of you is important. The reason being is that you want to give him a gift that he will take pride in for the both of you, and not just his self. For example, a gift that can be displayed in your new home and can be shared with friends and family. You want to be able to show it off!

Ryan Rutman is co-owner of Picture Your Name and Pictureyourname.com. Pictureyourname.com specializes in Creative, Unique, and Personal gift options for almost any occasion. Please visit http://www.pictureyourname.com for more great gift buying tips and great gift solutions.

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When shopping for rose petals you first need to decide whether you would like to use fresh, freeze dried or silk. What you plan on using rose petals for will help you decide on which type is more appropriate for your wedding needs.

• For Outdoor use: Fresh or Freeze dried are more appropriate as they are a natural, biodegradable product.
• For Indoor use: Freeze Dried or Silk rose petals are more appropriate. Fresh petals can stain or be slippery. You don’t want to slip when you walk down that aisle!
• Flower Girl use: any type will do, since they do not need a large amount and the rose petals will not be closely examined by your guests. However, keep in mind that indoor use of fresh rose petals even in small amounts can be slippery!
• Table Decoration: freeze dried petals are the real thing only preserved at the peak of their freshness. They look more realistic, but also are more costly. Silk petals can give the look of rose petals at a fraction of the cost.
• Tossing at Church or after the Ceremony: again, if it is outdoors use fresh or freeze dried, as they are degradable. Indoors, silk would be appropriate.

Now that you know where you plan on using your rose petals, lets discuss the three different types, as you can use more than one type in several areas.

• Fresh Rose Petals: the most expensive of the three types, not only because they are fresh but because the roses will have to be de-petaled at the time just before use. They are all natural and biodegradable which is a good thing! However, because they are bio-degradable, they will degrade fast - sometimes so fast they often do not look good by the time they are used. Must be obtained the day needed, sometimes just before use. Another disadvantage is that fresh rose petals can stain and be slippery.
• Freeze Dried Rose Petals: not as expensive as fresh but more expensive than silk, freeze dried gives brides a long lasting alternative to fresh with the look and feel of fresh petals (after all they are real petals!). Freeze dried petals can be ordered and received several weeks before the wedding, avoiding the last minute stress for the bride. Freeze dried petals are preserved at the peak of their freshness for excellent quality when they time comes to use them.
• Silk Rose Petals: often the least expensive of the three options, silk rose petals are wonderful for indoor use. They work well when large quantities are needed for indoor pathways or table decorations. If you plan on purchasing silk rose petals try and ask for a sample first from the retailer if you can’t see them in person. There are many websites out there which offer cheap silk petals - but if they are cheap, they more than likely will look cheap, feel thin, be all the same size or even be almost transparent. Don’t waste your money on poor quality silk rose petals. Quality silk rose should vary in size - after all real rose petals vary in size too! Quality rose petals should not be transparent, but should be made of a microfiber peach silk, giving them the texture and the weight of real rose petals.

Now that you have decided where and what type of petals you will be using, you need to know how much you need! Here are our recommendations:

For Silk Rose Petals

• Tossing: 100 petals per 6 to 8 guests
• Table Decoration: 100 petals per 1 to 2 tables with centerpiece
• Aisle: 100 petals will cover: 1 square foot (dense), 2 square feet (moderate coverage) or 5 square feet (light coverage, like a scattering of petals)
• Flower Girl: 100 to 200 petals depending on how she tosses them and how long the aisle is.

For Real or Freeze Dried Rose Petals Quantities can vary but on average there are 25-35 petals per cup (like a measuring cup) of real or freeze dried rose petals. SInce real and freeze dried rose petals can vary in size, the actual petals per cup can vary.

• Tossing: 1/3 to 1/2 cup per guest
• Table Decoration: 2 to 4 cups per table with centerpiece (depends on how dense you want it to be)
• Aisle: 8 cups per square foot (dense), 4 cups per square foot (moderate coverage), 2 cups per square foot (light coverage), 1 cup per square foot (scattered look)
• Flower Girl: 4 to 8 cups

How to Use Freeze Dried Petals

Using freeze dried petals at your wedding does take some minor prep work to make them useable. The easiest way to soften them is to place them in the bathroom while taking a shower. While they do not become as soft as a fresh petal (so don’t expect that) they do soften and become more pliable. The longer the petals are exposed to moisture, the softer they will get. If the outside air humidity is normal to humid, this process can take a few days to achieve the softening. If the outside air (the air in your home) is dry then the petals can dry out again if you attempt to soften them too long before your wedding. Softening petals by exposure to moist air will also brighten darker colored petals.

We recommend shipping your petals with 2 to 4 weeks before your event for the best quality. Don’t purchase freeze dried petals months ahead of time just “because”. Many colors will fade over time, especially when exposed to light and humidity

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